The Willow-Crafters
How 'Knotty but Nice' came to be
Xander vs. The Willow-Crafters’ First Group Chat
(Mrs. Temperance’s Living Room—Knitting Circle in Progress)
Attendance: Mrs. Hazel Temperance (a.k.a. Mrs. T), Mrs. Marjorie Hubbard, Mrs. Beatrice Smith, Mrs. Della Mae Beasley, Betty, and Xander.
Xander didn’t know how he’d gotten himself into this.
One minute, he was dropping off a package at Mrs. T’s. The next, he was sitting in her floral armchair, surrounded by a brigade of grandmothers, trying to explain technology to people who still thought “the cloud” was just for rain.
Knitting needles clicked, the scent of freshly baked scones filled the air, and five pairs of expectant eyes stared at him like he was about to deliver the ultimate knitting hack.
Mrs. T, seated at her usual spot by the fireplace, smiled serenely as she poured tea. “Isn’t this lovely, dear? A proper little lesson.”
It was an ambush.
Betty, perched on the floral loveseat, beamed. “Oh, I just can’t wait to be part of a real group chat! It’s like we’re in one of those spy movies! Secret messages and all.”
Xander rubbed his temples. “It’s… not exactly secret, Betty.”
Marjorie, sitting stiffly in the wingback chair, adjusted her knitting needles. “I don’t see the point in all this.”
“You don’t see the point,” Mrs. Smith muttered, “but you’re still here.”
Marjorie ignored her.
Mrs. Beasley squinted at her phone, holding it as far away as possible, like she thought it might bite her. “Why is everything so small? How do you even read this?”
Betty leaned over. “Oh, Beasley, you can make the letters bigger! I do that for my romance books on my Kindle.”
Xander raised an eyebrow. “You read romance on a Kindle?”
Betty winked. “You don’t want to know the details.”
Xander physically recoiled.
Mrs. T chuckled into her tea.
“Alright,” Xander sighed. “Let’s just get started.” He held up his phone. “First, we’re making a group chat. Everyone open your messages app.”
There was a long pause.
Mrs. Beasley squinted. “Which one’s that?”
Marjorie sighed dramatically. “It’s the green one, Della Mae.”
“Oh, dear. Mine’s blue.”
“That’s Facebook.”
“Oh.”
Xander bit his lip to keep from laughing.
He walked them through it step by step, guiding them through creating a group and adding everyone’s numbers.
“That’s it,” he said finally, “you’re officially in a group chat.”
The ladies stared at their screens in awe.
Mrs. Beasley tapped the keyboard. A second later, a single letter appeared.
Della Mae: H
Marjorie: What is that supposed to mean?
Della Mae: I don’t know, I just pressed something.
Xander pinched the bridge of his nose.
Beatrice: Why did I get a text from myself?
Xander sighed. “That’s just the chat showing you what you sent.”
Beatrice: Oh. Well, that’s unsettling.
Betty: HELLOOOOOOOOOOO!!!
Xander winced. “Betty, your caps lock is on.”
Betty: oops sorry!!
Marjorie: Why is there a thumbs-up button?
Della Mae: Oh, I do like that! How do I do one?
“Just hold down the message and tap the thumbs-up,” instructed Xander.
Betty: Oh my, I found the heart!!!
Marjorie: Betty, stop hearting everything.
Betty: But it’s so cute!
Della Mae: Where are the emojis? I want the one with the little dancing man.
Xander groaned into his hands.
Beatrice: Why does Betty’s name have a picture next to it and mine doesn’t?
“That’s a profile picture. You can add one.”
Beatrice: How?
“We’ll do that another day.”
Mrs. T, still serenely sipping her tea, finally sent a message.
Hazel: This is delightful. Thank you, dear.
Xander sighed in relief. At least one person appreciated the effort.
Betty: Oh look I found stickers!!!
Suddenly, the chat was flooded with animated hearts, dancing cats, and a winking teacup.
Marjorie: Betty.
Betty: What?? It’s adorable!
Della Mae: I still want the dancing man.
Xander leaned back in his chair, exhausted. “This might be the most challenging thing I’ve ever done.”
Mrs. T patted his hand. “Well, dear, now you know what it’s like teaching a class. Perhaps we should start calling you Professor Xander.”
Betty perked up. “Oh! That sounds very mysterious. Maybe you’re training us for an underground crime-fighting league.”
Marjorie rolled her eyes. “You’ve read too many novels, Betty.”
Betty giggled and sent another flurry of hearts.
Mrs. T looked up from her knitting. “Oh, I do believe this is going to be very useful.”
Marjorie, despite her earlier skepticism, gave a gruff nod. “Yes, I suppose it’s… convenient.”
Betty: We have to think of a name for our chat!
Della Mae: Oh, yes! Something sophisticated.
Beatrice: The Knitting Circle?
Betty: Boring!
Marjorie: We’re not calling it Betty’s Romance Club either.
Betty: Oh, but imagine! We could have book discussions and everything.
Marjorie: No.
Hazel: How about something fitting?
Della Mae: Spill the Tea & Purl?
Hazel: That’s quite clever!
Beatrice: We don’t always spill tea, Della Mae.
Marjorie: Speak for yourself.
Betty: Ooooh, what about The Loose Ends Society?!
Della Mae: That’s actually quite good.
Beatrice: Fitting, considering we never finish our projects.
Marjorie: Some of us finish our projects, thank you very much.
Betty: Oh! What about The Knit-Wits?
Marjorie: Absolutely not.
Xander, rubbing his temples, sighed. “Okay, we need to settle this before I age another decade.”
Hazel: How about we vote?
Marjorie: Oh, for heaven’s sake.
Betty: Fine! But I get the final suggestion. What about… Knotty but Nice?
A pause.
Della Mae: That’s actually quite good.
Beatrice: It has a nice ring to it.
Hazel: Yes, I like that one.
Betty: Vote time! If you say yes, send a thumbs-up emoji!
A flurry of thumbs-up emojis flooded the chat.
“That was fast.”
Betty: All in favor: Yes—except Marjorie.
Marjorie: This is ridiculous.
Della Mae: That’s a yes from Marjorie.
Marjorie: That is NOT what I said!
Betty: Too late, it’s official! Welcome to Knotty but Nice!
Mrs. T smiled warmly. “And just think, dear, now we can keep you updated on all the town’s happenings.”
Xander’s stomach dropped.
Marjorie: Oh yes, now we can keep you in the loop, Xander.
Betty: Oh, I can send you all my book recommendations!!!
Della Mae: And pictures of my cat!
Beatrice: And knitting patterns!
Xander immediately regretted everything. “I’ve created monsters.”
Mrs. T patted his arm. “What a wonderful idea this was.”
The Willow-Crafters as Characters Discussing Book Six Title
Betty: Ladies!!!! Emergency meeting!!!
Marjorie: This had better be an actual emergency.
Betty: Fran has revealed the title of our next book.
Della Mae: Oooooooh.
Beatrice: Are we allowed to know before publication, or is this one of Betty’s security breaches again?
Betty: I prefer the term enthusiastic access.
Hazel: What is the title, dear?
Betty: Quirks, Quibbles & Quips.
Della Mae: Oh, that is excellent.
Beatrice: That does sound very us.
Marjorie: I object.
Betty: To which part?
Marjorie: The implication that I quibble.
Della Mae: Marjorie, you once argued with a parking meter because you felt its timing was dishonest.
Marjorie: And I was right.
Betty: See? Quibbles.
Marjorie: That was civic vigilance.
Hazel: I’m rather fond of it. It has a good rhythm.
Betty: And sparkle.
Beatrice: And alliteration.
Della Mae: And quips. We do have quite a lot of those.
Marjorie: Some more useful than others.
Betty: Fran clearly sat down and thought, “What best captures these women?” and landed on delightful chaos.
Beatrice: I’m not sure “chaos” is the official tone.
Della Mae: Then why are we always in it?
Hazel: Fair point.
Betty: I’d just like it noted that I fully support being associated with quirks.
Marjorie: That surprises no one.
Betty: Thank you.
Marjorie: It was not praise.
Della Mae: I support quibbles. Quibbles are underrated. A well-placed quibble can save a town from nonsense.
Beatrice: Or create it.
Della Mae: Also fair.
Hazel: And quips keep one cheerful in difficult circumstances.
Betty: Exactly. There we are. The title is perfect.
Marjorie: It makes us sound like a variety act.
Della Mae: We are a variety act.
Beatrice: That is uncomfortably accurate.
Betty: If anything, it’s a relief Fran didn’t call it Complaints, Cardigans & Cold Tea.
Marjorie: I would have accepted Competence, Clarity & Common Sense.
Della Mae: You would.
Beatrice: Betty would want Candles, Corsages & Catastrophe.
Betty: I absolutely would.
Hazel: I rather like Tea, Tension & Tangles.
Della Mae: Hazel!
Betty: That’s wonderful.
Marjorie: Too soft.
Beatrice: Too much yarn.
Della Mae: Not possible.
Betty: To be fair, Quirks, Quibbles & Quips does sound like the sort of title that promises at least one public dispute, two misunderstandings, and someone saying something so sharp it ought to be licensed.
Marjorie: Then yes, unfortunately, it does fit.
Della Mae: Who do we think is responsible for the quips?
Betty: Me.
Marjorie: Incorrect.
Beatrice: Shared custody, I’d say.
Hazel: Betty provides enthusiasm, Marjorie provides precision, Della Mae provides embellishment, Beatrice provides practicality, and I provide tea.
Betty: Hazel, that is the loveliest possible description of our group.
Marjorie: It is also suspiciously kind.
Della Mae: Fran always makes Hazel sound wise.
Hazel: Perhaps because I am.
Betty: OHHHHH. Hazel quipped!
Beatrice: It really is the right title.
Della Mae: Should we be worried that Fran has reached the Q section of the alphabet?
Betty: Never. Q is glamorous.
Marjorie: Q is awkward.
Beatrice: Q is difficult in Scrabble.
Della Mae: Q is for quarrels.
Betty: And quilts.
Marjorie: And questions.
Hazel: And quite enough, ladies.
Betty: I still think Fran should let us vote on titles.
Marjorie: Absolutely not. You’d give every book the energy of a Valentine’s biscuit tin.
Della Mae: She’s not wrong.
Beatrice: Also, if we voted, we’d still be discussing Book Two.
Betty: Fine. Fran may keep creative control.
Marjorie: How generous of you.
Betty: I know.
Hazel: Well, I think the title is charming.
Della Mae: I think it sounds like trouble.
Beatrice: I think it sounds like us.
Marjorie: I think it could have been worse.
Betty: That is practically a rave review from Marjorie.
Marjorie: Don’t push your luck.
Betty: Too late. I’m already imagining the cover.
Della Mae: With flair?
Betty: Obviously.
Beatrice: With clues?
Betty: Hopefully.
Marjorie: With some respect for order?
Betty: Unlikely.
Hazel: Whatever Fran has planned, I’m sure it will keep us busy.
Betty: Busy, bewildered, and probably underdressed for danger.
Della Mae: Speak for yourself. I intend to be perfectly dressed for danger.
Beatrice: Is there a category for that?
Marjorie: There shouldn’t be.
Betty: There is now.
Hazel: Then it’s settled. The title stays.
Betty: Quirks, Quibbles & Quips it is.
Della Mae: Very us.
Beatrice: Very Willowcroft.
Marjorie: Very questionable.
Betty: If Fran gives us anything less than quirks, quibbles, and quips, I shall be lodging a formal complaint in all caps.
Marjorie: Good. At least this time the title admits exactly what people are getting into.
Hazel: In that case, the title is perfect. Heaven help Fran if we decide to live up to it.
Della Mae: Well, if the book contains half as many quibbles as this chat, Fran won’t need to invent a single scene.
Beatrice: So the title is settled. Now all Fran has to do is survive writing us.
Meet Betty
